I’ve always found it so odd when couples get married, and then everyone starts asking them when they’re planning on having kids. Um, let them enjoy being married first? Right? Anyways…
Personally, I don’t believe in having children before marriage (if you’ve read my other blog posts you’ll know that I was born out of wedlock) and there are many reasons why I feel this way, but I’ll leave that for another blog post, maybe.
Anyway, in fact, I don’t believe in having children in the first three years of marriage. Now listen here, I’ll explain why I feel this way. Keep on reading.
According to BRIDES (a website) and everyone you’ve talked to, the first year of marriage is the toughest! Why? BRIDES says that:
“You’re just starting to come down from the wedding and suddenly you’re worried about combining finances, working around your two careers, the shared engagements of your two families, and are beginning to feel the realities of married life. Plus, the stresses of being a young adult are still there—student loan debt, the rising cost of living, not having enough space—but suddenly it’s doubled.”
So yeah, imagine putting a baby in the mix of all of this. Chaos! Some people can handle it and some break from it. Children are a lot in the first year because you’re bringing two households together in the first year and that’s already a lot even if you’ve lived together before. There’s a lot of changes taking place and new routines being developed in the first year.
This continues into the second year and by the third year, things might be slowing down a little. That’s great! In this third year, you’re figuring out what a life with kids will look like or what changes you need to make as a family before having kids. Maybe even start figuring out if you want to start trying. At this point, you’ve established a routine as a couple. You know more about each other. In that first 2-3 years, you’ve established the things that you might need.
I believe that the first 3 years of marriage is a time for both couples to really bond and get to know each other. I believe it is an excellent time to figure out a routine and find parenting styles that you both like. It is also a great time to write down goals for the years to come. Figure out expectations when it comes to household chores, holidays with both families, etc. I just don’t believe it is the best time to introduce a baby into the mix.
Waiting is a beautiful thing. It is intentional and beneficial to both couples. Do not feel rushed to start a family. It’s a delicate process that deserved to be well thought out. It’s not something to just do. It’s not something to be done under pressure. It is not something to do for someone else.
Do it because you’re ready to become a parent and, welcome a child into the world.
Being a parent is not something to take lightly. It’s a blessing, and a beautiful journey, but it’s also the most selfless, and humbling experience. It is a process that can also test the strength of a marriage.