12 Years Later…

So, if you’ve read any of my posts you know a bit about my background and my upbringing. It’s not the most smooth transition. My life, like the life of so many others, hasn’t been full of linear events. It’s been like a rollercoaster or like mountain tops. Some events so much more massive and destructive than others.

The oddest thing is that in the middle of all that craziness, I don’t think I’ve ever felt lost. I’ve always felt found and I’ve always felt like I belong to someone and that I’m loved deeply by someone. That feeling has never left me. Even though the moments of realizing my earthly father did not want me, I did not feel panic or lost. I felt at peace and that’s not to say there’s no negative side effect of that traumatic part of my life. There’s, BUT despite that, I’m still laughing and I’m still so full of joy. I think about what my life would be like if I didn’t know God at all and I shudder at the thought of that.

Just a few weeks ago, in my RCIA groups, someone talked about not just being followers of Jesus but also being able to share that journey and that relationship that we have with Jesus with others around us. That made me realize something that I have that so many that I was surrounded with growing up didn’t have. Unlike them, my grandfather shared with me his love for God and that lit a fire in me that is still burning so fervently.

I used to wonder how a man with faith so strong and a love for God so bright could have raised children who know very little about God and God’s love. I realized this 12 years later after he had passed on to his eternal rest: he never shared with them his love for God, but he did with me. He entrusted to me his love for God. I ask myself when I have children, what is the single most important thing I want to do for them. I realized that I want for them to know of my God and of our story. I would want my children to see how much I love God and how much he has done in my life.

So, on the 12th anniversary of his passing on to eternal rest, I want to say thank you to my grandfather for entrusting me with this love and this fire to love God more and more every day. I want to thank him for saying yes when God had put it on his heart to share this part of his life with me. I want to thank my father above for giving me the wisdom and understanding to do with this love the justice it deserves.

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