As a society, we’re very desperate to believe that love works and that marriage work. That’s why we uphold couples that appear to have such a “healthy” marriage. Nevermind that we don’t get to see the difficult times and the ugly truths. We prefer to measure their relationship by the length of time because we’ve been told that a couple who’s been together for a long time has a good relationship. That’s bs. The length of the relationship doesn’t tell you about the health of the relationship. We need to encourage people to prioritize building a healthy relationship over being together with someone, anyone for a long period of time, and being seen as “the” couple that lasted. People celebrating long relationships when they’re clearly in an unhealthy relationship isn’t a celebration. It’s a sad occasion.
We need to make it known that coming into marriage doesn’t fix you. Marriage doesn’t make you better. The ring is cute and the ceremony is cute but that doesn’t make a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship is recognizing you’re walking in with baggage and seeking counseling. That builds a healthy relationship. We can’t expect our spouses to “fix” us when we fail to “fix” ourselves. That’s too much pressure to put on any one person. Supporting your spouse doesn’t translate to being their therapist. It means encouraging them to seek help when they need it.
Good marriages take work. It’s healthy to continuously work on your marriage because we change and time doesn’t erase our past. Let’s encourage healthy, wholesome relationships. Let’s not seek perfection. Let’s seek functionality. Let’s stop romanticizing marriage to the point that we stop talking about the difficulties of two different people coming together to love, support, and grow together. Let’s not pretend that the trauma and problems each individual brings to the relationship disappear with the vows.
I’m on a journey of loving purposefully and being purposefully loved. It’s rocky, messy and fun. I share my journey here. I share what has worked for me. Oh and I’m catholic so there’s definitely a lot of miracles sprinkled into this journey.
It’s a bit daunting but it’s a beautiful one and I can’t wait to share it with you.
Here, you’re welcome. The raw and imperfect you are welcomed and loved fully and abundantly.
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Cheers to living life authentically!
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